I am a wife & a mother of three. I used to be the boss at my job, now I'm underemployed. I say "under" because I found a part time job after I was laid off from my bossy job. I am now a substitute teacher. So, I guess I am now the "Faux" Boss Lady.
Anyway, I kind of had an epiphany of sorts recently. Not really an epiphany, because God didn't audibly speak to me, but it was a definite light bulb moment.
I am a perfectionist. I didn't realize how much though until recently. Apparently I think I have to be Super Mom.
I've never liked Super Moms. I've always thought they were overachievers who need attention.
Well. Apparently I am and I do.
I had a friend inform me this week that she didn't understand why I didn't feel I could open up to her about things. I was talking to her about some things going on in my life and suddenly she turned it all around started telling me that she didn't understand why I didn't think she was a good friend and she would've thought I thought more of her after all these years. Please read the previous as exactly the way I've written it. That is not what she said. She didn't turn it all around and make it about me hurting her. That is only what I heard. Read on.
Now I've never been an open book. I actually spent the first 10 years of my married life trying very hard to be a closed book. DH was a minister and living in a fish bowl is never a fun thing. The more you open up about yourself and your life, the more people can use those things to hurt you. Sad thing to learn about in life, isn't it?
But the thing I've learned the past 5 years is that if you don't trust enough to open up, there are so many things you miss out on. Taking a chance and taking a leap is what makes life exciting!!!
But I'm still not a wide open book. And I learned the past few months or so that my plate is much smaller than I thought it was. I've been very overwhelmed by life. DH and I both have. He has taken it all in stride. It's the season of life we're in, this won't last forever. Of course God comes first in our family and our marriage, but by doing that, we also put our family and our marriage before other things.
Our children are getting older and they have activities that are essential for their growth, education and development (physical and spiritual). These activities along with life, jobs and day to day things just happen have us completely overwhelmed. DH says, no biggie, it is what it is right now.
I feel embarrassed that I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I don't want anyone, I mean ANYONE, to know that I can't do it all. I feel like a failure as a mother, as a wife and as a... dare I say it... Super Mom. I'm not a Super Mom. I'm a human mom. And my pride kept me from opening up about how I felt overwhelmed by life. And my friend got offended that I didn't feel I could share it with her. I probably would've gotten offended too. But as I sat and grew more and more indignant at why she would dare hurt my feelings over something I felt was so petty, I got to thinking and I began to pray about why exactly I do not open up about seemingly small things. And here we are.
Now, we all see (hopefully) that it had nothing to do with her. Good grief, this is obviously my issue. I've had so many people compliment my mothering skills, I guess I just became afraid to let them in on the secret. I'm winging it folks. But I am still a great mom, who is going to have to learn how to tell people no and tell people I am overwhelmed and not super. Especially family and friends.
So. Here goes.
My name is Boss Lady. I am a Human Mom. I can't do everything. I can only do what is best for my family and for myself. And sometimes that means saying "No." Sometimes that means not being able to successfully complete everything.
I definitely means modeling encouraging behavior to my children that tells them, "Yes, I am human. But I can try. And if I don't succeed the first time, or if I don't succeed at all, I am still a wonderful wife, a wonderful mom and a wonderful person. Who loves her family and her friends."
How's that for open book?
