Mind Your Own Business

Mind your own business? What? Where's the fun in that? I've never really been one to mind my own business, but I know how annoying it is when nosy people try to mind MY business.
I have an 11 year old son (Number One Son) & he is pushing the limits of acceptable behavior. He is getting in trouble for the dumbest things. Common sense things. All a part of the "growing up" angst he is going through, according to his principal.
His friends are doing it too, so he's in good company. Three of his buddies got in trouble this week for fighting. Two of the three were suspended. Now these boys are very kind hearted boys. They're "stinky boys," as Queenie says, but they are good boys. No bullies here. Number One Son wouldn't be friends with bullies, because he knows what it feels like to be bullied.
There is a neighborhood mom who saw a bit of the playground fight & is now, get this, spreading rumors about the boys & the fight. Really? Spreading rumors about children?
She is telling people that these boys are bullies & she even went so far as to send a scathing email to the moms of the two boys in trouble regarding their boys & their parenting.
Ok, you know, I understand, especially if her child was involved in the fight as well. What? Her child was not involved, you say? What? Oh, she has a daughter who was nowhere near the fight? What? Her daughter is not even in their class? Oh...
I'm sorry, I don't understand when people started thinking they had the right to nose into things that have nothing to do with them. And to insult a mother over something she knows nothing about, come on, moms. We have to stick together, first of all.
Secondly, gossiping about children. That's pretty immature & not setting a very good example.

When Everyone's Super, No One Is...

So I've decided to drop back into the blogosphere with a bang. I'll catch you up a little bit on who I am, first of all...

I am a wife & a mother of three. I used to be the boss at my job, now I'm underemployed. I say "under" because I found a part time job after I was laid off from my bossy job. I am now a substitute teacher. So, I guess I am now the "Faux" Boss Lady.

Anyway, I kind of had an epiphany of sorts recently. Not really an epiphany, because God didn't audibly speak to me, but it was a definite light bulb moment.

I am a perfectionist. I didn't realize how much though until recently. Apparently I think I have to be Super Mom.

I've never liked Super Moms. I've always thought they were overachievers who need attention.

Well. Apparently I am and I do.

I had a friend inform me this week that she didn't understand why I didn't feel I could open up to her about things. I was talking to her about some things going on in my life and suddenly she turned it all around started telling me that she didn't understand why I didn't think she was a good friend and she would've thought I thought more of her after all these years. Please read the previous as exactly the way I've written it. That is not what she said. She didn't turn it all around and make it about me hurting her. That is only what I heard. Read on.

Now I've never been an open book. I actually spent the first 10 years of my married life trying very hard to be a closed book. DH was a minister and living in a fish bowl is never a fun thing. The more you open up about yourself and your life, the more people can use those things to hurt you. Sad thing to learn about in life, isn't it?

But the thing I've learned the past 5 years is that if you don't trust enough to open up, there are so many things you miss out on. Taking a chance and taking a leap is what makes life exciting!!!

But I'm still not a wide open book. And I learned the past few months or so that my plate is much smaller than I thought it was. I've been very overwhelmed by life. DH and I both have. He has taken it all in stride. It's the season of life we're in, this won't last forever. Of course God comes first in our family and our marriage, but by doing that, we also put our family and our marriage before other things.

Our children are getting older and they have activities that are essential for their growth, education and development (physical and spiritual). These activities along with life, jobs and day to day things just happen have us completely overwhelmed. DH says, no biggie, it is what it is right now.

I feel embarrassed that I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I don't want anyone, I mean ANYONE, to know that I can't do it all. I feel like a failure as a mother, as a wife and as a... dare I say it... Super Mom. I'm not a Super Mom. I'm a human mom. And my pride kept me from opening up about how I felt overwhelmed by life. And my friend got offended that I didn't feel I could share it with her. I probably would've gotten offended too. But as I sat and grew more and more indignant at why she would dare hurt my feelings over something I felt was so petty, I got to thinking and I began to pray about why exactly I do not open up about seemingly small things. And here we are.

Now, we all see (hopefully) that it had nothing to do with her. Good grief, this is obviously my issue. I've had so many people compliment my mothering skills, I guess I just became afraid to let them in on the secret. I'm winging it folks. But I am still a great mom, who is going to have to learn how to tell people no and tell people I am overwhelmed and not super. Especially family and friends.

So. Here goes.

My name is Boss Lady. I am a Human Mom. I can't do everything. I can only do what is best for my family and for myself. And sometimes that means saying "No." Sometimes that means not being able to successfully complete everything.

I definitely means modeling encouraging behavior to my children that tells them, "Yes, I am human. But I can try. And if I don't succeed the first time, or if I don't succeed at all, I am still a wonderful wife, a wonderful mom and a wonderful person. Who loves her family and her friends."

How's that for open book?

What's Important?

I am a wife & a mother. I love my husband & I love my children so much it hurts sometimes.
It's the end of the school year & I'm hurting for them right now. Thinking about how they are growing up before my eyes just makes me want to smile from ear to ear & cry a river at the same time!
So many things are going on in our lives right now, but I love it. What I don't love is how hard it seems to keep friends when one is a "grown up."
I have some wonderful friends, great people to count on & hang out with. Some of these are friends are such comfortable friends. What I mean is, it's like we never lose touch. Even if it's been months since we've talked, we pick right up like we never left. Perfect.
Sometimes it just doesn't seem so easy. I'm not sure why. I have 3 kids. One "tween," one adolescent princess & a 5 year old. 'Nuff Said. And as I am currently unemployed, I am job hunting. So, we're on a budget. Not being able to go out & socialize all the time should not be a deal breaker in the friend game. I've never faced this before, it's a new thing for me.
At this stage in my life, I need friends who make me feel good about myself, my family & my life. At 37 having a friend shouldn't be that hard.
Don't get me wrong, I know all my friends are great people, maybe I'm just feeling melancholy today.
My good friend Dr. Seuss reminds me often to "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

Happy New Year!

I don't make New Years Resolutions. Mainly because I rarely keep them, but also because I feel if I want to turn over a new leaf, I want to do it when I want, not just at the beginning of the year... But mainly because I rarely keep my New Years Resolutions.

So I am going to post about 10 things that make me smile. I have seen variations on this, random things that make you happy, so I thought it would make a good New Years post.
So here goes...

What makes me smile and what will continue to make me smile in 2008:

1. DH. He's a handsome man. And a very talented man. I don't think I tell him either one of those things often enough. We'll be celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary next month and I sincerely love him more today than I did 12 years ago. Awww...

2. Number One Son, Queenie and The Flying Monkey. I would be lying if I said they make me smile 24 hours a day, I but I do just marvel at how wonderful they are. On a daily basis. They amaze me. Biased or not, I have to say that I have the funniest, smartest, best all around kids you'll find!
3. Butterfly kisses. Whether they be from DH, Number One Son, Queenie or The Flying Monkey, it doesn't matter. They make me smile so much my face hurts. That and hearing my children's laughter.

4. Singing. These days most of my singing is in the shower and occasionally in the car. But it still makes me smile.

5. Taking pictures. I, of course, love to take pictures of my children, but then there other things I see that are too fun to keep to myself. I have to take a picture to share what I've seen.
6. Keeping in touch with my friends and family. I love that 13 years after graduating, I know what my college roommate is doing with her life and that we still talk.
7. Margaritas. They probably make most people happy.

8. Other smiles. I love to see other people smile. That will always turn a frown upside down!

9. Girly things. Pink and green things. Frilly things. Shhh. Don't tell.

10. My Dad. He just makes me smile. He's funny.

Are there any special things that make you smile? I hope you have a wonderful, prosperous, Happy New Year and that many, many things in your life make you smile this year.

Hugs Today

My friend, Lois, lost her husband over the holidays. She's a good bit older than me and he had been sick for a while, but it was still very sudden.

It was Christmas Eve and they were visiting her sister. They were all laughing and chatting when suddenly he just fell over into his plate. He never regained consciousness and they unplugged his ventilator on Thursday. He died 45 minutes later.

I cannot imagine. The loss of a loved one is traumatic, no matter what time of year, but to lose someone at Christmas or any other memorable holiday is so very sad. What a way to remember each year.

Lois is a strong woman and I know she'll be alright. She has a strong faith. I know it gives her comfort to know that he was smiling and laughing up until the moment he basically died. But my heart hurts for her.

I feel like an especially bad friend because I missed the funeral this morning. Remember, I said DH let me sleep in this morning? I plan on visiting with her soon, and I probably shouldn't have gone anyway, feeling as badly as I have felt this past couple of weeks.

Give your family & friends hugs & kisses & tell them all how much they mean to you. You never know what tomorrow brings, but you know you have this moment, today.

XOXO

Priorities

I have always thought where a person places their priorities tells a lot about them as a person. It tells you where their true loves lie, tells you what is important to them. Like Matthew said, For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. He was actually speaking of money and things like that, but it applies a little.
We get to go celebrate my 2 nephews' birthdays this weekend. Tater & Coo weren't born on the same day, but their birthdays are pretty close together. The celebration falls in the middle of the afternoon on a Sunday afternoon. We have several things to do that day, it IS December, you know! But hey! I wouldn't miss this for the world! Good grief, if I didn't have Number One Son, Queenie & The Flying Monkey, those 2 guys would be spoiled worthless!
So, we are making it a priority to go celebrate their special days with them. Why wouldn't we? I could go to a PTA room parent meeting, but if I missed it for something silly like that, I'd be a pretty sorry Aunt, wouldn't I? LOL!
I have learned in my "old" age that making my family a priority is what is important for me. Now that doesn't mean dropping plans with The Flying Monkey to go rub FIL's feet. It means making ourselves available for our family. It means eating Mexican food with FIL instead of the pot roast that I was planning on cooking for dinner. Because that's what makes FIL smile. It means paying $3.50 / gallon for gas to go after Thanksgiving shopping with Mamaw in her town so she can buy Queenie some shiny shoes. Because that's what makes Mamaw happy.
It means letting Tater & Number One Son wrestle and scream together on a regular basis. Because when they are in their 20's they'll laugh about it while watching the UGA game together!
So, I hope you all have a great weekend, go spend it with your family or your friends, whatever you have decided is important for YOU!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm with the Fam at my folks' house, sitting here recovering from Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sleepy and full. And so thankful for many things and so many people in my life.

My Family: Mom, Dad, Nana, Dede, Uncle B, MIL, FIL, Peanut, PKP, Teem, Marvelous Marie, The Virtuous Vol, Tater, Coo and all my extended family who I could spend all evening listing. I have the best family in the world!

My friends: Gracie, whom I've known since I was 5 and is one of the truest friends I have; Supermom, my wonderful kindred spirit; Marvelous Marie, who I talk to everyday. I am very blessed to have many wonderful friends who are true friends indeed, and I love them all. Again, I could spend all night listing. They know who they are.

Health: Being healthy is an incredible blessing.

My job: It's a good stable one and these days I know it's a blessing to have a good job.

My children: Number One Son, Queenie & The Flying Monkey are my 3 greatest accomplishments. I really mean it. I am my own person and my children don't define who I am, but I really don't know what I would do without them in my life. They are the sunshine in my life and I am so very blessed to have 3 beautiful healthy children.

DH: Seriously, this man is the best thing that ever walked into my life. He loves me like no other, understands my little idiosyncrasies and, well, sorry, here it goes.... He completes me.

My God: Through it all, He loves me and has remained faithful to me, His child. Even when life has handed us things we didn't ask for or understand, He has been there. What a wonderful thing! He has also provided me with the wonderful things in my life that I am thankful for!

Thank you!!

I hope your Thanksgiving was wonderful! What are YOU thankful for?

Touched Lives... continued...

So we found out that M's lymphoma has made it to her brain. I'm not sure where she goes from here, but our household is pretty bummed. She's a special friend of our family. All 3 of our children have special gifts they got from her when they were babies and the older 2 see her on a regular basis as she works at their school. Prayers all around. What is supposed to happen will happen, but I'm not going to lie, we're all pretty sad.
Then my old pal Skittle is facing a scary skin cancer. She has had 2 surgeries already and we are hoping to hear some good news soon. She's a pretty brave girl, if I do say so.
She has a really fun blog where she has recently been venting and dishing out the frustration she's feeling. She's getting Boss Lady household prayers all around too. DH has a soft spot for her, but don't tell him I said so. We've known her since she was a wee lass. Ha, ha! She hates that!
Anyway, I hope you all have a great weekend. No pomp and circumstance on this post, just wanted to update.

Touched Lives

When you are a part of a circle of friends you are touched by whatever touches the lives of those in your circle. The larger your circle becomes, more life events touch yours.
In our circle of friends, we have been touched by new love, old love, births, illness & death. We have celebrated, prayed, and mourned with our friends. And our friends have celebrated, prayed and mourned with us.
The illness part is what is really on my mind at the moment. Our lives have been touched by cancer a lot in the past few years. I used to think it was odd how often cancer had touched our lives in some way or another, but then I realized, as I said earlier, it was because our circle had expanded so.
Of course, we have probably all someone to sickness or possibly a tragic event. Death is hard, no matter who it is, how old they were or what happened. But when it is a "younger" person, seemingly with a lifetime ahead of them, it seems even more tragic.

Of course, cancer isn't a death sentence; it is often a second chance at life. A chance to re-evaluate what is important and a chance to get reacquainted with the special relationships in your life, the human ones and the spiritual one.

DH had a cancer scare about 3 years ago and it brought about some rearranging of priorities for our family. I can remember thinking, "How in the world do people who don't have a relationship with Christ, or even for that matter believe in God, get through something like this?" That's another blog for another day, however. About the same time this was happening to DH, 2 of his college buddies were diagnosed with cancer. The Cute One (affectionately named so by one of my bridesmaids) has been in remission for 2 years and E lost his battle last year. Uncle B recently had successful surgery to remove his cancer and M has recurring lymphoma which we continue to pray about. And I recently had my first mammogram (see Breast Cancer Awareness post) which was prompted by the discovery of a lump.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with a very aggressive Her2 positive breast cancer. Rosabella had a bilateral mastectomy and will begin her chemotherapy soon. She has been an inspiration to me. Did you hear that? To ME, I said. She has 2 young children, the same age as Number One Son & Queenie. And she is sending out humorous updates on her progress. I don't mean I smile and tilt my head to the side when I read them. I laugh out loud and shake. She's bringing sexy back to breast cancer treatment! I want to be bald too! You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

So, our circle is all the more rich for knowing E, continuing to pray for M, celebrating with Uncle B & The Cute One and for knowing, celebrating & praying for Rosabella.

My prayer is that your circle has only been touched by love & celebration, but the reality is, I know it hasn't. I do hope that you grab every opportunity to celebrate your love, celebrate your life, celebrate your family, celebrate your friends and celebrate your God. He has a plan and that circle is a part of it.