When Everyone's Super, No One Is...

So I've decided to drop back into the blogosphere with a bang. I'll catch you up a little bit on who I am, first of all...

I am a wife & a mother of three. I used to be the boss at my job, now I'm underemployed. I say "under" because I found a part time job after I was laid off from my bossy job. I am now a substitute teacher. So, I guess I am now the "Faux" Boss Lady.

Anyway, I kind of had an epiphany of sorts recently. Not really an epiphany, because God didn't audibly speak to me, but it was a definite light bulb moment.

I am a perfectionist. I didn't realize how much though until recently. Apparently I think I have to be Super Mom.

I've never liked Super Moms. I've always thought they were overachievers who need attention.

Well. Apparently I am and I do.

I had a friend inform me this week that she didn't understand why I didn't feel I could open up to her about things. I was talking to her about some things going on in my life and suddenly she turned it all around started telling me that she didn't understand why I didn't think she was a good friend and she would've thought I thought more of her after all these years. Please read the previous as exactly the way I've written it. That is not what she said. She didn't turn it all around and make it about me hurting her. That is only what I heard. Read on.

Now I've never been an open book. I actually spent the first 10 years of my married life trying very hard to be a closed book. DH was a minister and living in a fish bowl is never a fun thing. The more you open up about yourself and your life, the more people can use those things to hurt you. Sad thing to learn about in life, isn't it?

But the thing I've learned the past 5 years is that if you don't trust enough to open up, there are so many things you miss out on. Taking a chance and taking a leap is what makes life exciting!!!

But I'm still not a wide open book. And I learned the past few months or so that my plate is much smaller than I thought it was. I've been very overwhelmed by life. DH and I both have. He has taken it all in stride. It's the season of life we're in, this won't last forever. Of course God comes first in our family and our marriage, but by doing that, we also put our family and our marriage before other things.

Our children are getting older and they have activities that are essential for their growth, education and development (physical and spiritual). These activities along with life, jobs and day to day things just happen have us completely overwhelmed. DH says, no biggie, it is what it is right now.

I feel embarrassed that I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I don't want anyone, I mean ANYONE, to know that I can't do it all. I feel like a failure as a mother, as a wife and as a... dare I say it... Super Mom. I'm not a Super Mom. I'm a human mom. And my pride kept me from opening up about how I felt overwhelmed by life. And my friend got offended that I didn't feel I could share it with her. I probably would've gotten offended too. But as I sat and grew more and more indignant at why she would dare hurt my feelings over something I felt was so petty, I got to thinking and I began to pray about why exactly I do not open up about seemingly small things. And here we are.

Now, we all see (hopefully) that it had nothing to do with her. Good grief, this is obviously my issue. I've had so many people compliment my mothering skills, I guess I just became afraid to let them in on the secret. I'm winging it folks. But I am still a great mom, who is going to have to learn how to tell people no and tell people I am overwhelmed and not super. Especially family and friends.

So. Here goes.

My name is Boss Lady. I am a Human Mom. I can't do everything. I can only do what is best for my family and for myself. And sometimes that means saying "No." Sometimes that means not being able to successfully complete everything.

I definitely means modeling encouraging behavior to my children that tells them, "Yes, I am human. But I can try. And if I don't succeed the first time, or if I don't succeed at all, I am still a wonderful wife, a wonderful mom and a wonderful person. Who loves her family and her friends."

How's that for open book?

How to Break the News?

M passed away today. She was a long time friend of the family and DH and I are so very sad. I know she is no longer in pain, and that must bring her family comfort, but I still grieve for them.

She was also employed at Number One Son's and Queenie's school. DH and I are wondering how on earth to tell the kids. We found out about her death right at bedtime tonight, so we definitely knew that telling them tonight was out of the question. I am not really sure how they will handle it at school tomorrow, so we are actually thinking we might should tell the kids in the morning before school. I just want the news to come from us. I just don't know...

I'm on my way to go tuck all three of them in bed one more time and give them big hugs. Hugs to you all, too.

Dude, Where'd You Hear That?

Getting dressed this morning after taking the big kids to school, The Flying Monkey was asking me where we were going, because today was his first day out of school for Christmas.

TFM: Mommy, where we going?
Me: We are going up to [Number One Son] & [Queenie]'s school, then by Mommy's school, then to run some other errands.
TFM: And Then?
Me: (giggle) What?
TFM: No And Then!
Me: (bigger giggle) What?
TFM: Uncle [PKP] say it! And Then? And Then?

PKP, who is DH's brother, is infamous for teaching his nephews, especially, funny and sometimes inappropriate phrases. It haunts him now that he has children of his own. But this was so very funny!

Go watch "Dude, Where's My Car?" for a feel good holiday time!

A Glamorous Life? I Don't Think So...

I didn't read anything yesterday, I didn't watch the news, I avoided all news feeds. I'm completely distressed on my my own, without reading or hearing abut what Hollywood has to say about one of my children's favorite teenagers. I also didn't want them to hear about it.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, you must be over 80 or Amish. No offense to either. :) Jamie Lynn Spears - star of Zoey 101 (which my children watch regularly on Nickelodeon) and little sister of Britney Spears - is pregnant. She's 16.

DH told me yesterday morning and he was downright angry. We have watched Zoey with the kids and have talked about how we hope she takes a different path than her sister and surrounds herself with smart people who only want the best for her. Oh well.

Now, I had my distressing time keeping the Vanessa Hudgens scandal from the kids. But this is so much worse than some nudie cell phone pictures. This is forever for Jamie Lynn and it's sending a message to our children. It's OUR job to decide what that message that is, not Hollywood's.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not going to toss Jamie Lynn to the curb, she's a child, she made a mistake. We've all made mistakes. She also has a few things stacked against her, one being her Mother of the Year Nominee mom, Lynn. I don't know anything about raising a family in the public eye, but I do what it's like to raise a family. And it is hard work. I said it's hard work being a mother who has the best interest of her children at heart. It's not hard work to live vicariously through your children.

The second obstacle Jamie Lynn faces is being Britney Spears' little sister. Especially recently. No matter what she does, she is Britney's little sister. "I hope she doesn't turn out the same way as her sister!" We even have said it. I did read on a celebrity gossip page (I just ratted myself out, didn't I?) that Britney had warned her sister over the summer against moving in with her boyfriend. Who knows if that is really true, but I can appreciate a big sister wanting the best for her little sis.

The bigger picture here is that an unmarried 16 year old girl is pregnant. She may have a boyfriend, but the reality is that she has to carry & raise this child and face the music. Top it off with the fact that she is a celebrity role model and we have a multitude of children who are confused and wondering what's going on. Now I have several friends who have beautiful children that they had very young. Teenagers. It happens, you know? Their children are beautiful and not mistakes by any means. All children are blessings and deserve to be celebrated. My concern is that, as a public figure, this might all be misinterpreted by children who don't have an adult at home to help them sort it out. Teenage pregnancy is not OK, and it's not glamorous, no matter who it is. Jamie Lynn has a long, hard road ahead of her and I want my daughter to know that.

As I've been typing, I have lost my train of thought several times, there is so much going through my mind! I caught the end of a segment on the Today show this morning where they were talking about this and they were saying this is an opportunity to talk to our children about sex and responsibility. I agree in some respect. There are opportunities to talk to our children about things everyday. A celebrity scandal should not be an opportunity to begin conversations with our children. I hope we can take it as an opportunity to continue to talk to our children about a multitude of things. Responsibility, respect, obedience, life, love, consequences.

I visited Jamie Lynn's website this morning and it was painful to be reminded that she is a child. Simple as that. Go see what I mean.

No, I am not Mother of the Year. In fact, most days I feel quite inadequate. But as a mother, I am full of so many emotions as I hear this breaking news.

Good luck, Jamie Lynn. We wish you the best.

Outbreak

We're just passing germs around our house. We can't get well! Everyone is home today (except DH) and I have to be honest: The Boss Lady is miserable. There is no rest to be had in a house with 3 children aged 8, 6 & 3 trying to do anything to not be bored.

So here are some photos of me with my precious three having fun, not being sick. Enjoy!

Number One Son is a fabulous dancer

Queenie gives great hugs

We can't let The Flying Monkey fly all the time

Spooky Manners

Halloween wrap up: Cute kids, cute costumes, fun dressing up, trick or treating & passing out candy to the cute kids in the cute costumes.
Not a lot of fun passing out to the not so cute teenagers & tweenagers who half heartedly dressed up and were rude.
There were some very polite tweens who I enjoyed passing candy to. They even had cute well thought out costumes. I especially liked the coffee & donut pair. They were cute.
Then there were the kids with the skeleton heads on their stomachs that talked to each other. Seriously.
But the punks who trounced through my grass (dead as it may be from drought) in a simple wig or a lightly painted face and just held out their bags and ran off were not my favorite. The only words I got from some of them were, "You got anything else?"
I know I sound like Old Man Withers ("You kids get off my lawn!") but I just wonder where the manners are on these kids.
Halloween doesn't give us free license to go from door to door being rude and begging. Well, at least they had on costumes. Or partial costumes.
But all in all, we had a fun night! Number One Son and Queenie had friends all over to catch up with and one of our neighbors had a fun haunted "house" in his front yard. It was the "place to be" on Halloween night in our neighborhood!

On a fun side note, we had a ghost sighting. Tell me what you think of her.

Snips and Snails and Puppy Dogs Tails

Boys will be boys. That's how the saying goes. I don't use that as an enabling excuse, but the reality is that boys and girls have predispositions to act certain ways. That's the way they are made.

What are little boys made of?
Snips and snails, and puppy dogs tails
That's what little boys are made of !
What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice and all things nice
That's what little girls are made of!

Apparently a school board in Dennis Township, New Jersey doesn't appreciate this well known fact.
They suspended a 7 year old student for drawing a stick figure holding a gun and giving it to a friend. The other child's parents complained to the school, so the school suspended the student. Really? Give me a break.
My first thought was that the school board was being ridiculous and unreasonable. Now, however, I am just floored that the friend's parents went the school and complained. I teach my children not to tattle. Oh sorry, but I do. Why didn't the parents call the little boys' parents?

The point is, little boys love guns. Number One Son started making his fingers into the shape of a gun when he was about 2 1/2. He had never seen a gun. Not on TV, in a game, much less in real life. DH played with "guns" and he is not a serial criminal or a murderer. These boys just like to be boys and play boy games. Saying that it will damage them and cause them to be violent is as ludicrous as saying that a little girl is going to become promiscuous because she likes Bratz dolls, lipstick and draws hearts on Zac Efron's face. That's, well, stupid.

Now, I agree, some things are too violent for children, there are plenty of TV shows and video games that are not appropriate for children. And we should monitor what our children watch and do.

But to punish a child in such an extreme way for drawing a fun picture for his friend is mean. Sometimes our school teachers and administrators go a little overboard because they are trying to avoid possible issues. Example. Number One Son got in trouble when he was in Kindergarten many years ago for kissing a classmate on the cheek. He is a very affectionate boy, and I was very angry at the teachers for making him feel bad for being kind to his friend. They informed me that sexual harassment laws prohibited students from touching each other in that way. Yes. That is really what they said. I said, "HE'S FIVE!!!!"

There are so many other arguments here, I won't even go into boys playing with dolls and girls playing with trucks. Good grief. They are children, let them be children, it is their JOB to play and be creative in ANY WAY they so choose. We have taken away so much fun from our children, THAT is what is going to cause them to be criminals. But that is another blog for another day.

Have a wonderful week, remind your kids to be politically correct, only draw daisies & puppies, and to save their kisses for Mom & Dad. Just kidding!

Mom, Not in Front of My Friends...

So my daughter (hereafter known as Queenie) spent the entire afternoon on the phone with Lucy. I had to ask her to hang up twice so I could use the phone. Then my son (hereafter known as Number One Son) spent his afternoon riding the neighborhood on his bike with Charles, taking a break for dinner, while on the walkie talkie with said friend, out again to ride with said friend.
I followed Number One Son out into the driveway to tell him to watch for cars as it was the afternoon drive time and our neighborhood is used as a cut through. I watched him ride across the street in front of a car (whose driver was thankfully paying attention and driving slowly). I motioned for him to come back and said sternly "Bike Ride Over."
Number One Son pedaled over and said, "Mom, not in front of Charles..."

I get that a lot these days as Number One Son and Queenie struggle to grow up and show me how independent they are, while at the same time struggling because they still need me for so many things. I feel the same way.

Sometimes I wish they could do everything for themselves, man oh man, I would have soooo much more time on my hands! But I know that's not really true! The day my children drive off in that car for the first time, that first date, college, I can't even think about right now, it's just bringing tears to my eyes just imagining it! I'm going to be a basket case.

OK, not in front of Charles, but don't expect me to let go just yet. I'm holding on to all of them (even the precious little one who is hereafter known as The Flying Monkey) until the absolute last moment I can. I'll let them be independent, but I'll be just out of sight, still able to see what they're doing, still able to hear them call for help. And I'll be there sooner than they can imagine.

So I let NOS ride with Charles, but I was posted very inconspicuously on the corner, where I didn't miss a thing. Listening to Queenie talk on the phone, watching NOS ride, The Flying Monkey on my back. (No pun intended)

Always just within reach.

Oblivious

I know you have all encountered people who are oblivious to the world around them. Oblivious that there are other people going through life around them. You know, those who are busy talking on their cell phone in the grocery store check out line loudly enough for the butcher in the back of the store to hear. Just an example.
I know I have been guilty of being oblivious myself, but I do try not to be.

I had to go have a wonderful pap smear & mammogram today, always a joy, a yearly appointment I look forward to with great anticipation. Not really. My doctor's office treats a melting pot of patients, from women in for routine checkups, moms having prenatal exams, postnatal exams, women battling infertility issues to women dealing with serious health issues such as cancer.
I encountered an "obliviot" this morning while in the "2nd waiting area." (I love that obliviot term - I'll try not to use it often, as I did not create it)

This lovely young woman (I guess she was a woman as she was visibly pregnant) was waiting in the waiting area, obviously for a prenatal visit. She looked all of 15. Really. And she had a cute little boy with her, a toddler, probably not quite 2 years old. He called her Mama, so I assume he was hers too.

Her apparent age is not what griped me, for age does not equal obliviousness. (Some of the most considerate people I've ever met are young while some of the most oblivious people I've ever encountered are old & crotchety) What I found annoying was her need for all the women in the waiting area to look and smile and comment on her precious little one. She would talk to him, smile, and look at all of us for approval. Granted, he was adorable. But like I said, this office treats a variety of health issues. How arrogant for her to look to the woman next to her for smiles about her baby. That woman might just be infertile and have wanted a child for years and the teenager next to her with 2 babies is rubbing it in her face.

OK, yeah, that probably was not the case and this young woman was probably just blessed with good young genes. But do you get my point?

My son has speech issues. He is almost 4 and we struggle to understand pretty much everything he says. This toddler I was sitting next to this morning spoke much more clearly than my son does. It makes me sad for him when I encounter children who are at the level where I think he should be. But I very rarely say it out loud. Because there are plenty of children out there with much more serious problems. They have health problems affecting their quality of life. We are so very blessed to have wonderful, beautiful & healthy children and if we have to go to speech therapy with one of them a few times a week, so be it. I am not oblivious enough to think that my child's verbal communication problems are the end of the world.

OK, so I guess you're about to ask, what is your point, Boss Lady, and how exactly what this poor girl you're dumping on being oblivious?
Well, now that I've typed it all out, nothing, I guess. Other than bringing her forty-leven bags of toys to an OB/GYN appointment for her toddler to play with in the waiting area. And the "look at me & my cute kid" face she brought in there as well.

I should've brought my kids. Talk about cuties! Then someone would be blogging about me.